Maintaining Your Own Identity While Loving Another
Being in a relationship and being in love is one of the most beautiful things in life. Being able to share a part of yourself with someone and find solace in that person. But what about when the partnership has a heavy dose of codependency?
It's easy to get lost in your relationship and usually it's just a symptom of it being new and exciting. But when it carries on through the entirety of the relationship it's anything but healthy. Your identity and who you are as a single entity is lost to who you are within your relationship. You no longer know how to operate on your own, you only do things that are approved of or involve your partner.
While we all like to say that we're completely independent no matter who we're around, sometimes we fall into that trap and it's hard to get out of. I've seen it happen to people around me and it's hard to watch. They became so sucked into their relationship or marriage that when that person was no longer around or the relationship ended, they didn't know what to do with themselves. They floundered and struggled to get back on their feet because they only knew how to be when their partner was there. They didn't have their own identity.
This is huge problem for people who are serial monogamists, who go from relationship to relationship because they don't know how to be alone. They only know how to be when their tied to someone else. Even when they find themselves in a situation is not healthy to be in, they still stick it out for as long as they can because they don't know how to be alone.
So here's my unsolicited advice. Try to find yourself before you completely devote yourself to someone else if you can. Find your strengths and weaknesses. Your likes and dislikes. When you do, discover what you can do when you're not tied down. I bet you'll have some fun. It's a wonderful thing to find solace in being alone and being at peace with oneself. Find some comfort in that for a while and when you know you can handle being alone. Then find someone who makes you feel even better just by being there. It'll make the relationship even more powerful knowing that they're around because you want them there and not because you need them there.
It's easy to get lost in your relationship and usually it's just a symptom of it being new and exciting. But when it carries on through the entirety of the relationship it's anything but healthy. Your identity and who you are as a single entity is lost to who you are within your relationship. You no longer know how to operate on your own, you only do things that are approved of or involve your partner.
While we all like to say that we're completely independent no matter who we're around, sometimes we fall into that trap and it's hard to get out of. I've seen it happen to people around me and it's hard to watch. They became so sucked into their relationship or marriage that when that person was no longer around or the relationship ended, they didn't know what to do with themselves. They floundered and struggled to get back on their feet because they only knew how to be when their partner was there. They didn't have their own identity.
This is huge problem for people who are serial monogamists, who go from relationship to relationship because they don't know how to be alone. They only know how to be when their tied to someone else. Even when they find themselves in a situation is not healthy to be in, they still stick it out for as long as they can because they don't know how to be alone.
So here's my unsolicited advice. Try to find yourself before you completely devote yourself to someone else if you can. Find your strengths and weaknesses. Your likes and dislikes. When you do, discover what you can do when you're not tied down. I bet you'll have some fun. It's a wonderful thing to find solace in being alone and being at peace with oneself. Find some comfort in that for a while and when you know you can handle being alone. Then find someone who makes you feel even better just by being there. It'll make the relationship even more powerful knowing that they're around because you want them there and not because you need them there.
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